Self-harm is when someone physically hurts themselves, deliberately, as a way to manage overwhelming or distressing feelings, experiences or memories. Someone who is self-harming may feel like hurting themselves is the only way to cope. They may also feel numb and hurt themselves so that they can feel something, even if this is a painful sensation. In the moment, their physical pain can be easier than feeling emotionally out of control.

There are many ways that someone can physically inflict self-harm:

• cutting themselves or pricking the skin with sharp objects,

• recurrently scratching skin with fingernails,

• deliberately picking at old wounds or scabs,

• burning or biting skin,

• hitting themselves, or banging their head or another part of their body on a wall,

• pulling at their head and body hair, or

• inserting objects into their body.

If someone has self-harmed and is losing a significant amount of blood, or is losing consciousness, or needs help that you cannot give them safely, call 999. If you think someone could benefit from talking to us, or whether you are supporting someone and perhaps need an outlet yourself, reach out to us today.

 Why do people self-harm?

If an individual is self-harming, it’s often a sign that something isn’t quite right or has become too much for them to deal with. After self-harming, someone may feel a short-term sense of relief or control. However, it's likely that these difficult feelings will return soon after the act. This can include additional feelings of fear, guilt and shame.

There are myths about self-harming; that it’s a ‘phase’, or a way of attention-seeking. In fact, while it might be hard to understand, self-harm can be a way for a person to:

·        Control overwhelming emotional feelings,

·        Distract themselves from traumatic memories,

·        Express suicidal feelings without taking their own life,

·        Express something that can’t be to put into words,

·        Feel more in control,

·        Relieve tension and pressure,

·        Reduce feelings of panic and anxiety, to temporarily feel calmer,

·        Self-punishment,

·        Stop feeling disconnected or numb,

·        Turn emotional pain into physical pain,

·        Create a reason to care for themselves after the harm has taken place.

While self-harm can bring a release in the moment, this is only temporary. These negative feelings build up again, and so does the urge to self-harm.  

As this cycle continues, this increases the load that person is already bearing, becoming a cycle that’s hard to break and a habit that’s hard to stop.

 Supporting someone with the urge to self-harm

When the urge to self-harm does build, it's useful for that individual to have a list of other things they can do instead. This may help to manage intense feelings without the need to self-harm.

Different things will work for different people. A good starting point is to identify the feelings that are trying to be managed; if someone is feeling panicked and anxious, doing something active, such as a simple walk, can help. If someone needs soothing, they might want to get cosy in a comfy, calming space. An app like Calm Harm may help; this suggests different techniques to try when feeling the urge to self-harm.

Strategies could include:

·        talking to someone – a friend, family member or calling a helpline

·        focusing on breathing and how it feels to breathe in, and out

·        doing some exercise, even a simple walk

·        writing down feelings in a journal

·        writing down difficult feelings on pieces of paper and then ripping them up

·        ripping up a magazine or newspaper

·        having a shower or bath

·        hitting a soft cushion, pillow or bed

·        listening to loud music

·        wrapping up in a blanket or duvet

·        tidying or organising something

·        doing a calming hobby like colouring, painting, drawing, cooking or baking

·        making and using a self-soothe box

·        placing one hand in ice water and the other hand in warm water - this creates a physiological ‘shock’ and distraction

·        flicking an elastic band over the wrist or other body part to produce a sensation of pain - this is not dangerous.

If you are looking after someone who is self-harming, there are a number of things that might empower them to feel more in control. Becoming more aware of what they're feeling when they self-harm can help, as can understanding what's making them want to do it. Try to open up a conversation about what’s going on and maybe use a few of the below tactics:

·        Stay calm and non-judgemental

·        Keep communication as open as you can

·        Think together about what’s causing the self-harm

·        Help them to notice when the urge to self-harm builds and how this escalates

·        Help them do the daily things that support our wellbeing

·        Spend quality time together doing activities they enjoy

·        Seek professional advice or help

 Signs that someone is self-harming

You might be worried that someone you know is harming themselves, even if they're not talking about it. They also may not have visible injuries. If you’re concerned, there are things you can look out for:   

·        unexplained cuts, burns, bite-marks, bruises or bald patches  

·        covering their body. They might wear long sleeves or trousers during hot weather, not want to change clothes around others, or avoid activities like swimming  

·        seeming low, depressed, or withdrawn from friends and family 

·        expressing feelings of failure, uselessness or hopelessness 

·        outbursts of anger or rage

There are also ways in which someone can harm themselves using alternate methods of self-injury, such as risky behaviour without due care and attention to the consequences. For example, engaging in careless promiscuity; not using protection with unknown, multiple partners which could be harmful to their sexual health, and potentially their life.